Divorce may not be the option you want to take but if it's the journey you're on, how you perceive the process will determine your level of peace and joy before, during, and afterwards. This is a rebuilding of your life. It is a demolition followed by a foundation laying concluding with a brand new building construction. Throughout the process, there are growing pains, unforeseen delays and stumbling blocks that will make the end result that much better.
You are not a piece of shattered glass. You are clay being molded into a brand new sculpture and, no matter what happens, there is one thought you must hold onto: who you are is enough.
Ending a relationship that was supposed to last forever can be a crushing blow to the ego. When you've done all you can, given all you have and still came out with less than what you expected, the temptation is to say to yourself, "I'm not good enough." You are as good as you make your mind up to be. Your life is as complete as you see it to be. If ever there was a time for you to own your role in the creation of a happy, peaceful life, divorce is the time to do it.
No matter who makes the decision to leave, separation happens on both sides. I'm not asking you to pretend like that's not what you're feeling. I'm telling you that if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
In every obstacle, there's an opportunity but it's up to you to find out. If all you ever see is what's not working, how will you ever find what is? When going through a divorce, there is one thing (and one thing only) that you know for sure: you are going through a divorce.
That's it which means every other idea, opinion or belief you have is a creation in your own mind that you cannot prove is 100% true. If you can't prove it's 100% true and what you're thinking winds up making you feel worse than you already do, why buy into it? If it's all opinion anyway, why not believe the opinions that make you feel good?
For example, you can believe this: "I'm broken up about my divorce."
Or this: "I'm ending my marriage and beginning a whole new chapter in my life."
Both could be true but which one makes you feel better? Why not go for that?
You can buy into this: "My spouse never treated me well and I can't stand the sight of him or her."
Or you can believe this: "My spouse did the best he/she could to love me. It wasn't enough and I'm moving on to find the love I deserve."
Which one lifts your spirits?
Again, the only thing you know 100% for sure is that you're going through a divorce. How you feel about it and what you think as you go through it is 100% up to you. Isn't it time you reprogrammed the way you're thinking about divorce?
Kassandra Vaughn is the creator and facilitator of the no-holds barred, step-by-step divorce strategy coaching program called The Ultimate Pre-Divorce Success Program. Ms. Vaughn is also the CEO of ROI Coaching, a virtual coaching firm designed to help clients maximize the quality of their lives starting NOW!