A divorce is a decision in court that is for the purpose of terminating a marriage. The parties are able to marry again after the divorce is served. Obtaining a divorce is a very traumatic experience for both partners.
The falling apart of an intimate relationship is very stressful for the persons involved. When you are divorced, you carry a lot of different emotions. The shift from the normal routine of life and the expenses incurred can produce further stress. If there are kids involved, the trauma of the severance will burn out the parents making them negligent of the childrens needs. The new arrangements can cause a strain in the relationships. Even those parents living apart will have a schedule for visits, it is just not the same anymore. The children are most vulnerable in these cases. The sense of loss would be felt when some routine actions are not being performed anymore such as the telling of bedtime stories or packing the lunch box.
A lot of people liken the loss of an intimate relationship to dying. There are stages of acceptance in both instances, which are basically the same. These stages of acceptance do not necessarily mean that they happen in order. There are other people who would go in and out of the stages randomly or sometimes they even go back to a stage they have already been to. The stages last longer than usual for some people. This is because no two persons are the same. Some are more resilient while others are unyielding.
Denial is the most common stage. Even the plaintiff who is instigating the divorce still undergoes the denial stage. The full impact of the loss has not yet been felt here. Elation might be felt because of the freedom from the chains of bondage.
Anger is the most expected stage int he process of divorce. Even to the spouse who had been miserable during the marriage, anger is still present because of dreams not realized and needs not met. These feelings should be expressed and felt.
In most cases, guilt is present even to the spouse who doesnt feel responsible for the breakup. This is because the relationship was a failure. Parents may also blame themselves for their childrens “broken home.”
Grief sets in when the total blow of the loss is experienced. This is the most essential stage for the person to feel in order to reach the last one. It is important for them to express how they feel. They should learn to live with it and accept the break up.
Acceptance happens when the person acknowledges the finality of the divorce and that this episode was part of his life. They become empowered and are now ready to move on.
Divorce is a sticky messy situation for everyone. It is important to discuss the process with children and family members. Do not try to be secretive or cover it up. Talk honestly with your children and set out a clear financial budget so that everyone understands the financial shift that will be taking place.
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